♬We're talking 'bout manners, nice manners,
Manners make you feel good
Manners, nice manners.
Manners make you feel so good,
They make you feel so good.
They make you feel so good.♬
Lyrics and music by Cathy Bollinger, "Manners".
Perhaps it is a factor of growing older…perhaps it is a recognition that social etiquette (along with ethics) are not just welcome but necessary, or perhaps it is just a fact that I seem to have an increasingly striking resemblance to a certain disgruntled elf in Snow White (as an aside, if 'disgruntled' means grumpy, what does 'gruntled' mean????? Was Snow White Gruntled? – but I digress…)
Getting back to the point of this post, there seems to be a diminishment in the use of manners today. I don't know if it is attributable to the ease of communications or the lack of formality around those communications, or the erasing of the lines between public and private communications (facebook is a great example here) but the loosening of manners manifests itself in many ways. While I don't wish to appear a prude, I have to say that I don't feel that this relaxation in etiquette is entirely positive.
Take emails for example. Aside from the flame wars that break out since people don't allow themselves the courtesy of a 24 hour 'thinking period' before replying to an email that rubs them the wrong way, there is a lack of protocol around emails. Lawyers have confidentiality disclaimers attached to most emails; yet not everyone attaches a standard signature block that contains basic coordinate information (have you ever spent needless time trying to find a telephone number for someone who just send you an email signed "John Doe" in order to call them to discuss the matters raised by the email?). Fewer yet have set up a v-card that saves the recipient time and effort by allowing the direct import of their contact information into Outlook and other email applications so it is up to date.
All of us receive hundreds of emails a month (or even a day). Yet there are people who reply to an email without quoting the original email – thereby causing all of us to stop to try to recollect the thread of the conversation before being able to reply. (There are lesser sins – such as sending someone a PDF document of a form that has to be filled in – but the sender doesn't convert it into a fillable PDF first ..and the like…)
The telephone is another example. Having had to take down at least 20,000 phone messages (a minimum of 2000/year for 10 years) at the Law Society (we don't have the luxury of having someone take our messages for us), one gets a sense of ways to make everyone's life easier.
For one, when leaving a phone message, spell your name. Canada is a VERY multicultural country with a vibrant and imaginative citizenship and the variations, pronunciations and spellings of names abound. Give someone a fighting chance to figure out exactly who is calling them by clearly identifying yourself!
Secondly…please…slow down! You are trying to impart information in your phone message..this isn't an Indianapolis Speed Race! State the reason(s) for your call slowly but succinctly and repeat your telephone number…..did I say …repeat your telephone number. Recording machines don't always work as designed and many times the number is not discernible. I have calls that have never been returned as I can't figure out who was calling or the number from which they were calling. Their loss….
Lastly, there are all the modern social networing inconveniences. I have received numerous invitations to 'connect' in Plaxo, LinkedIn, facebook etc…yet the invitation only gives me the briefest idea of who the invitee is…If you are going to ask someone to 'connect' – place enough info in the invite that allows the recipient the opportunity to 'connect the degrees of separation' between you and them.
I think I am needing an updated version of Emily Post….she makes you feel so good….
Thanks for the well thought article Dave, you made me laugh a few times. I fell that manners have definitely gone the way of the dinosaur. To this day after many years of marriage I still open doors for wife, and it never ceases to amaze me how I continue to receive bewildered looks from young men who will obviously never have any such intention.
Chivalry young men, learn it!
Excellent read Dave!!! How true!!! Even at work manners are starting to get ignored… please and thank you still happen but general things are being ignored – for example farting and burping in a room full of people is NOT acceptable, spitting is just disgusting, swearing for everything is uncalled for, the "c" word is just rude especially when used by another woman, if you are in a meeting you are there to learn – respect the speaker and pay attention, cell phone etiquette LEARN IT, respect older people because you're going to be one soon enough…what goes around comes around.
Not everyone uses Microsoft products and outlook. I use gmail and don't see an option to set up a vCard. In gmail if you reply to an email your firm address information is not reproduced.
Spelling out your name and stating your number twice maybe good advice but hardly bad manners. I hardly know of anyone who does this, so maybe everyone has bad manners!
Greetings:
First thanks for the comments. Much appreciated!
Second, yes not everyone uses Outlook. But GMail will add in a signature block with your contact info automatically, saving people the difficulty in trying to find this information.
Third, consider the act of repeating your name and number. If you say it twice, you are being selfless – in other words, you are putting the consideration of the listener ahead of your own. That, to me, is good manners.
Is the absence of good manners, bad manners? I leave that to your consideration.
Regards,
Dave