Should you find yourself with a surplus of clients, the following tips may be of some assistance.
- Speak only in legalese. Make a point of using Latin terms and providing complex answers to simple questions from clients. Above all, avoid plain language and clarity in your communications.
- Keep your clients in the dark. Don’t send regular updates or otherwise inform them of what you are doing on their behalf.
- Never focus your attention on what your clients are saying to you. Take calls, read emails on your Blackberry and check your watch during face-to-face client meetings.
- Raise your rates without explanation and always charge for every second. Be sure to express outrage if questioned about a bill.
- Don’t return calls or respond to emails within a reasonable period of time. They’ll call again; may as well wait for the next message.
- Ignore your clients’ priorities and deadlines. Give preference to what will work best for you.
- Resist implementing technological advances that would save your clients time and money. Boast about your “Luddite” status.
Strict application of these tips will ensure that you never have too many clients.
On the other hand, you may still be quite busy defending yourself against disciplinary charges or professional negligence claims. (Bonus Tip! When dealing with your insurance defence counsel or law society discipline counsel, try to avoid tips #3, 5 and 6 in particular.)