Show Me You Care

In this crazy world of competing deadlines, priorities, sound bites and instant communication technology it sometimes seems harder than ever to nurture the important relationships in our lives. We are all under such pressure to perform and to achieve there is little time left in the day to reach out and show someone that we care.

The energy between two people is what creates great marriages, families, teams, and organizations. Yet, when we think consciously about improving our lives, we put almost all of our effort into self-development. (Tom Rath, Vital Friends)

It’s easy to forget that there really isn’t anything more important than our relationships – with friends, family, colleagues, clients, and contacts. These are the building blocks of a successful life – no matter how you choose to define success – be that wealth, status, achievement or happiness.

Nurturing your relationships with clients, colleagues and staff at your office is one of the most important activities to focus on. You can call it leadership, rainmaking or client service, but ultimately it always comes down to how well are you taking care of the important relationships in your life?

To help busy professionals with managing their relationships I have developed a list of quick and easy tips for deepening relationships and scoring points in the caring department.

  1. Make yourself a weekly “touch list”. On Sunday afternoon, or first thing Monday morning jot down the names of the few people you want to get in touch with over the week. Keep the list by your computer and in between assignments take a minute to contact the people on your list. The people on your list will depend on what your focus is on during a given week. If you want to develop your rainmaking skills then put the names of past clients on your list, or old contacts you have fallen out of touch with, or the name of that person you had a great conversation with at a networking event last month.
  2. Send your contacts an informative article or link on a topic of interest or importance to them. To help you find articles and news items try setting up a Google alerts. Google Alerts are email updates of the latest relevant Google results (web, news, etc.) based on your choice of query or topic. It takes about two minutes to set one up. Think about the people you want to get in touch with. What are their interests? For instance, if you know they will be travelling in Italy in the summer set up an alert to bring up stories about travel in Tuscany. Use Google to collect and deliver information to you that you can then share with your contacts.
  3. Use your lunch hour to invest in relationships. Set up a lunch date with someone on your touch list. One associate I know organizes a monthly lunch for a group of her law school alumni, it’s a great way to stay in touch with not one but twenty people each month. Even though not everyone can attend each month they all receive an invitation.
  4. If you still haven’t read it, pick up a copy of Keith Ferrazzi’s book Never Eat Alone for tips on relationship building.
  5. Pick up the phone and have a quick catch up with someone on your touch list. Find out what’s new in their life. Many lawyers have told me that when they call their former clients just to check-in; it frequently results in the client sending over a new file.
  6. If you don’t have time for lunch then go for coffee. Many of your contacts will work just a block or two from your office. Now that spring has finally arrived, get out for a quick coffee and catch up with a contact.
  7. Invite someone to go for a walk. This gives the benefit of a little easy exercise along with the social interaction.
  8. Send a card. Keep a collection of blank greeting cards at your desk. Each week take a few minutes to pen a brief note to someone on your touch list. Personal touches of this kind have a very high impact these days. Nothing says caring like a hand-written note. There doesn’t have to be a special occasion it can just be a simple message that says “Wasn’t that a beautiful weekend we just had? I hope you had the opportunity to get into your garden. What have you got planned for it this year?”
  9. The best way to show you care is to listen. Whether you are out for a walk, or a cup of coffee, or just talking of the phone, the greatest gift to give is your undivided attention. Ask open ended questions, listen, and learn about what is most important to the people in your life. Discover how you can help.

Staying in touch with the important people in our life is something that we all struggle with. There are so many people and it seems as if there is so little time. Replace any feelings of guilt and regret with a healthy dose of action. Write up your touch list and start making those small but important investments in your relationships. I agree with David Maister: stop calling it non-billable time and start thinking of it as investment time. That’s what this is really about –- investing in your future.

Do you have a quick tip for staying in touch you can share? Please post a comment and let me know what you do to stay connected.


  1. Send them an idea. Observe a technique or strategy used by someone else – preferably at arms length – and relay the potential for a new slant/spin/application.

    Nothing more fun than brainstorming a new concept. :)

  2. The list idea is a good one. It works in practice but I think it can have limitations. Be sure to set the frequency of calls based on feedback from your contacts. Too much contact and you will be lost in the sea of telemarketers.

    Arranging networking events on a planned schedule sounds like a great way to avoid over doing it so long as you have buy-in from the participants and you have the time available to do the leg work required.

  3. Some people feel that the kind of networking you describe is shallow, manipulatve and self-serving. Those who feel that way need reminding that we make choices. Among the people to include on your call list are those whose friendship you sought when they had something to give you, but who had fallen on hard times. It doesn’t take much time and it really helps people.

    Ford Harding

  4. Thanks Steve, Ryan and Ford for your comments. Steve, I love your send them an idea comment. That’s a great way to invest in relationships. Readers take note!

    Ryan, thanks for your comment re. frequency. Yes, the weekly to-do list is just a way for busy people to make sure they are taking care of the important people in their lives. Of course this list isn’t just for business development purposes. It equally applies to our relationships with family and friends.

    Ford, I do hope that my readers don’t take the relationship management approaches I suggest as shallow and manipulative. This article is really about how to be a good friend, client, colleague, and lawyer by taking care of the important relationships in one’s life. The foundation is sincerity, and care and concern for others.

  5. Alison:

    What you describe is completely honorable. We have all been exposed to people who network selfishly and that experience turns some people away from trying. I wrote my earlier comment in hopes that some of them might reconsider their decision.