Time and Relative Dimensions in Slaw

As part of a holiday party gift-exchange mixup, you have been accidentally given a time machine. Since the Rules of Professional Conduct don’t specifically say you can’t tamper with history, you may now use it to travel throughout all of the past and future. You decide to visit great legal moments along the timeline, because you’re weird.

Respond to the following scenarios with the choice that seems the most appropriate.

1. You are present as the Code of Hammurabi is finalized in 1750 BC. Impressed by your Fitbit, Hammurabi invites you to add a line to the Code. What do you inscribe?

A. The rule against perpetuities
B. The laws of thermodynamics
C. The ending of The Usual Suspects
D. “I’d like to join your professional network on LinkedIn”

2. While Moses is distracted by your stunning rendition of All I Want For Christmas is You, you surreptitiously add an Eleventh Commandment to the tablets. What is it?

A. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wifi.
B. Thou shalt sneeze into thy elbow.
C. Thou shalt pick up the tab once in a while.
D. Thou shalt not get a TikTok account. What art thou, twelve?

3. You attend the 1920 Scopes Monkey Trial on the teaching of human evolution, but are mistaken for an expert witness. What do you tell the court when you take the stand?

A. “Having watched Tiger King, I no longer believe that humans evolve.”
B. “You can prove ‘evolution of the fittest’ today — with a brand-new Peloton!”
C. “Gotta say, Mr. Darrow, Spencer Tracy was way better looking than you.”
D. “Trial of the century? Let me tell you about a guy named O.J. Simpson.”

4. You travel into the future to visit a law firm in the year 2384. What is the most remarkable thing you see?

A. No one knows how to operate the robot lawyers, so they’re used as coat racks.
B. Following the alien conquest of 2316, lawyers are now referred to as “non-aliens.”
C. Partners work remotely from their homes on Titan. Everyone else commutes.
D. Billable hours are now recorded telepathically. Yes, of course they’re still billing hours.

5. Back in time to 1215 and the signing of Magna Carta. Using your encyclopedic knowledge of Robin Hood movies, you sneak past the guards just long enough to scrawl one thing onto the document. What is it?

A. The
B. 🤣

6. In return for a great story idea about two young lovers for whom it doesn’t quite work out, William Shakespeare agrees to let you substitute a new ending for the line, “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers” in Henry VI, Part 2. What do you replace it with?

A. “Let’s form a committee.”
B. “Let’s bill the disbursements.”
C. “Let’s blame the associate.”
D. “Let’s dance; put on your red shoes and dance the blues…”

7. To Geneva in 1947, for the signing of the first great global commercial treaty, the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT). You are given a rare opportunity to add a detailed section on the elimination of duties on … wait, where are you going?

A. See Lake Geneva by boat.
B. Tour the historic Temple de Saint-Pierre.
C. Take a day trip to the Evian-les-Bains health resort.
D. Have a coffee and gipfeli in Place du Bourg-de-Four.

8. To baffle present-day archaeologists, you go all the way back to the Mesozoic Era and carve a message onto Everest Molehill. What does it say?

A. “We apologize for the inconvenience.”
B. “I am out of the office until January 5.”
C. “Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.”
D. “I’d like to join your professional network on LinkedIn.”

9. To the future once again, to witness the first legal transaction to take place on Mars in 2136. What is it?

A. Overseeing the purchase of Olympus Mons.
B. Selling an NFT of a photo of the purchase of Olympus Mons.
C. Negotiating a ceasefire with sentient Mars Rovers.
D. Issuing a restraining order against one million Elon Musk clones.

10. You travel back to your first day of law school. What do you tell your unnervingly fresh-faced younger self?

A. “This is all your fault.”
B. “Go buy stock in Apple.”
C. “Skip Karaoke Night next Friday.”
D. “You know, there’s still time to apply to dentists’ college.”

Scoring: Give yourself as many points as you want for each answer. We’re not your mom. Happy holidays.

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