How Law Firms Create (And Should Deal With) Difficult Partners

Recently, I became addicted to watching episodes of “Super Nanny”. It’s not because I wanted to learn how to manage my own children – they’ve long since grown up and are very good contributors to society thank you very much. And it’s wasn’t for variety. The episodes are formulaic: they all contain little hellions that, in the course of the show, go from Tasmanian devils to relatively decent human beings.

After some contemplation, I realized that I was drawn to the program as one coach watching another, and an expert one at that. I was learning from her style, choice of words, diverse teaching methods, positive re-enforcements and outcomes. I intuitively understood that I might in some way benefit from learning these methodologies, despite no longer having small children. And I must admit that I also tend to enjoy watching chaos turn into order the way some people watch hour upon hour of ASMR videos.

Managing Partners and anyone on an Executive Committee in a law firm is already thinking about several members of their firm as they read this post. Most firms have one or two lawyers who seem to be more difficult to “manage”. They require more explanation for every decision. They play devil’s advocate. They push against majority rule. They drag their heels in implementation just to make sure you understand how much they are against a course of action. These are the lawyers who have to be coddled to accept a decision. They need special treatment to do what everyone else does as a matter of course. They need to be encouraged to make choices for the good of the firm. They vote against the majority in firms that require consensus, just to wield their power, or get special concessions for themselves.

Too often, these lawyers are Partners. But difficult Partners usually began as difficult Associates. Part of the Partner preparation and consideration process should be to ascertain the personality type of candidates, and to weed out anyone who will become a thorn in the Partnership’s side. Yet too often, Associates are promoted based on production, or fear of losing a decent biller or even just a warm body if they aren’t promoted. We don’t give consideration to the challenges of having that person in the Partnership until it’s too late.

And this brings me to a constant in the Super Nanny episodes: each contains inadequate parents. Regardless of how horrific the behaviour of the child is, Super Nanny hones in on the lack of skills of the parents. I was reminded of when I got my first dog and attended puppy training, which was mostly about training me. From the show, I learned that the behaviours of members of the household are established by the leadership. You can shape those behaviours by doing things, and by not doing things. For example, the kids might be fearful of a parent who rules by intimidation. That ultimately results in rebelling, deceit, and eventually the complete breakdown of any relationship where there is no line of authority, no respect, and eventually, no contact. When kids are in situations without consequences, it’s natural and automatic for them to continually test the boundaries. At first, it’s about what they can get away with: staying up late, eating junk food, skipping their homework, not helping out around the house in any way. Then it moves on to expecting to be waited on hand and foot, and screaming if they don’t get their way. Ultimately, it moves on to physically and emotionally hurting those around them – including their parents – to see how far they can go. Is any of this sounding familiar?

Fixing the Problem:

A situation doesn’t have to be horrific to warrant positive change. In fact, it’s better for law firms to work on creating the ideal environment proactively rather than reactively. Regardless of whether you want to set the stage for a collegial, productive environment or if you are trying to gain back control of a lawyer gone awry, here are Super Nanny’s steps that, incidentally, are very similar to my own when working with law firms.

1. Establish your values: At the beginning of each show, after having analyzed and criticized the parents, Super Nanny will come to agreement with the parents on the type of family environment desired. She then asks for their commitment to achieving this vision. Every Partnership should determine what the firm’s values are. This dictates how the firm will be run, and the filter through which all decisions and actions will be viewed. Think of it like the philosophical blueprint for your firm.
2. Establish your rules/routines: Next, the Nanny will draft up house rules with the parents. Before you can hold people accountable for their behaviours, you must first identify the behaviours that will not be tolerated. Be clear with the type of activities the firm supports, and the types of activities that the firm will not support.
3. Establish discipline: This is the bulk of the program as we watch the Nanny slowly bring order and mutual respect into the house. Establish consequences for those who engage in activities “against the rules”. There’s no point in establishing rules if there are no consequences. These don’t have to be draconian. Consequences could include compensation implications, promotion implications, the need for training or coaching to resolve certain behaviours, etc.

I want to pause this list for a word about discipline. A key moment in every episode is the initial time-out, a disciplinary procedure that is invoke when a child breaks the rules set by the parents, and for which they’ve received a warning. The child is required to sit and remain in a designated spot until they’ve done their time – one minute per age of the child. The first time-out was always traumatic. A four-minute time-out could take two hours to perform, as parents had to continually bring the child back to the time-out spot and re-set the timer. The intensity and duration of the initial time-out was largely dependent on how long the child had been allowed to exist without discipline. Because of this, two-year-olds tend to be easier to train than nine-year-olds. Duration also depended on how stubborn the child was – how determined they were to hold onto their power and not relinquish it to their parents. In one case, it took 67 “returns” for one poor set of parents before their child finally remained in their spot and completed their first time-out. 67.

This is all to say that the level of difficulty in a firm enforcing its rules is dependent on how stubborn the lawyers are who want to retain their power, and for how long the situation has been allowed to go on. Expect a really bad first couple of time-outs. The good news is that once the cycle is broken, it gets easier to discipline for infractions and fairly quickly, people will realize that certain behaviours simply won’t be tolerated, so they will cease. Another note: start with your Associates. Remember, it’s easier to retrain the behaviours of someone younger than someone older who’s been able to practice bad behaviour longer.

4. Give praise: Discipline is one side of the behaviour modification coin. The other is praise. Ideally, we want to get to a place where praise is the norm and discipline is the exception, and not the other way around. As you establish rules and stand by them, make a point of simultaneously recognizing effort, and thanking/congratulating those who are operating in ways that serve the firm’s best interests. Change is hard. It makes it easier to achieve when you have more than one tool in your belt. And a culture of regular acknowledgement is ultimately much better than an environment that requires constant discipline for its maintenance.
5. Wherever possible, focus on enjoyment, rather than discipline: The role of a firm is to accomplish its business goals, and create a wonderful career for everyone who works there. Rules/vision and – as needed- discipline are all necessary to ensure everyone is on the same page, rowing together, progressing as a group and as individuals. As quickly and as much as possible, focus should be on overall enjoyment of the journey. Mutual respect and support, socialization, morale-building, celebration…work toward focussing predominantly on these areas. The way to get there is to accomplish steps one through four first. But don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal which is to have a great firm.

I don’t mean to be disrespectful by referencing a program about managing unruly children in comparison to lawyer management. Super Nanny simply served as a great platform for outlining some challenges, and potential solutions, that we all face in law firms. But I do want to reiterate that regardless of our leadership position – as a parent, or as a leader in a law firm – our behaviours create or enable the attitudes and behaviours of those around us. Only by taking responsibility for our own changes that we can affect change in others.