Think Again – Managing Unhelpful Thinking

Jane is sitting with her partner at the dinner table, but her thoughts are miles away. She is thinking about an offhand comment she made to a client and worrying about how this could become a significant problem. Maybe he will complain and ask the partner to take her off the file. Perhaps the partner will complain to others and drop her from other files. Could she get fired?

Jane is so anxious she can’t get to sleep. She returns to work the next day expecting the worst, but nothing happens. There are no complaints. Later in the week, the client contacts her with a question and is friendly on the phone. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal?

Right about now, you are probably nodding your head. Sounds familiar, right? This is something all people experience.

In this example, the psychological term for Jane’s thought patterns is an unhelpful thinking style called catastrophizing. There are many types of unhelpful thinking styles and the first step to managing them is to recognize them for what they are: thinking traps that drag you down.

Here are ten common unhelpful thinking styles. Which ones are familiar to you? (Source: https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/unhelpful-thinking-styles/)

Catastrophizing:

Turning a minor problem into a major catastrophe.

“The partner didn’t give me any feedback on the memo” becomes, “he probably hated it. He’s not saying anything about it because it was so awful. He isn’t going to send me any more work. I could lose my job.”

All or Nothing Thinking:

This is extreme win-lose thinking. It is the trap of perfectionism.

One small mistake means the whole thing is terrible. The day after the transaction closes, you find a typo on page 20 and decide the whole thing was bad.

Over Generalizing:

This occurs when you draw generalized conclusions or see patterns from scant data.

“She never says good morning to me; she clearly dislikes me.”

Mental filter:

You only see your failures and weaknesses, not your successes.

Disqualifying the Positive:

Discounting your successes or good things that have happened by downplaying them.

“That was just luck.”

Jumping to Conclusions:

This is expressed in two ways. First, by mind-reading and making assumptions about what people are thinking.

Second, by telling the future. “John isn’t going to agree to me taking that holiday, so why bother asking?”

Emotional Reasoning:

You assume that because you feel something, it must be true.

“I feel insecure about my abilities, so I must not be good at this.”

Labeling:

This is when you label yourself or others.

“I’m so stupid.” “I’m hopeless at this.” “He’s arrogant.” “He’s useless.”

Personalization:

Personalization is when you jump to the conclusion that something is all our fault. You blame yourself for every mistake. Personalization can also be when you blame others.

Should/Ought/Must:

When you apply these words to your behavior, you feel guilty or like a failure.

When you apply these words to others, this can cause you to get frustrated or angry.

These unhelpful thinking styles cloud our thinking and our judgment. They can trigger heightened stress and anxiety. So, what to do about them?

We can’t control our thoughts, but we can choose how we respond.

Review the list of unhelpful thinking styles. Which are your top three? Which is your number one?

Track these thinking styles. Notice, when are they showing up, and how often? Are there particular triggers?

When you catch one of these thoughts, apply your analytical skills and question the thought. This is best done with a pen and paper as it helps you get out of your head:

• Is this a fact or an opinion?
• How is this thought not wholly accurate?
• What would be a more accurate way of perceiving this?
• What is the most likely outcome?
• What would I say if I was advising someone I care about in this situation?

If you are still feeling caught up in the thought cycle, get up and go for a walk or get physically moving in some way.

If you get caught up in spiraling negative thought cycles and experience anxiety, it can be valuable to meet with a mental health professional for support. They will provide you with more insights into this and some practical approaches to apply.

Everything you experience in life is filtered by your mind. Getting to know your mind better and how to manage disruptive thoughts is a critical skill to develop.