A Grumpy Post on Manners….

Lyrics and music by Cathy Bollinger, “Manners”.

Perhaps it is a factor of growing older…perhaps it is a recognition that social etiquette (along with ethics) are not just welcome but necessary, or perhaps it is just a fact that I seem to have an increasingly striking resemblance to a certain disgruntled elf in Snow White (as an aside, if ‘disgruntled’ means grumpy, what does ‘gruntled’ mean????? Was Snow White Gruntled? – but I digress…)

Getting back to the point of this post, there seems to be a diminishment in the use of manners today. I don’t know if it is attributable to the ease of communications or the lack of formality around those communications, or the erasing of the lines between public and private communications (facebook is a great example here) but the loosening of manners manifests itself in many ways. While I don’t wish to appear a prude, I have to say that I don’t feel that this relaxation in etiquette is entirely positive.

Take emails for example. Aside from the flame wars that break out since people don’t allow themselves the courtesy of a 24 hour ‘thinking period’ before replying to an email that rubs them the wrong way, there is a lack of protocol around emails. Lawyers have confidentiality disclaimers attached to most emails; yet not everyone attaches a standard signature block that contains basic coordinate information (have you ever spent needless time trying to find a telephone number for someone who just send you an email signed “John Doe” in order to call them to discuss the matters raised by the email?). Fewer yet have set up a v-card that saves the recipient time and effort by allowing the direct import of their contact information into Outlook and other email applications so it is up to date.

All of us receive hundreds of emails a month (or even a day). Yet there are people who reply to an email without quoting the original email – thereby causing all of us to stop to try to recollect the thread of the conversation before being able to reply. (There are lesser sins – such as sending someone a PDF document of a form that has to be filled in – but the sender doesn’t convert it into a fillable PDF first ..and the like…)

The telephone is another example. Having had to take down at least 20,000 phone messages (a minimum of 2000/year for 10 years) at the Law Society (we don’t have the luxury of having someone take our messages for us), one gets a sense of ways to make everyone’s life easier.

For one, when leaving a phone message, spell your name. Canada is a VERY multicultural country with a vibrant and imaginative citizenship and the variations, pronunciations and spellings of names abound. Give someone a fighting chance to figure out exactly who is calling them by clearly identifying yourself!

Secondly…please…slow down! You are trying to impart information in your phone message..this isn’t an Indianapolis Speed Race! State the reason(s) for your call slowly but succinctly and repeat your telephone number…..did I say …repeat your telephone number. Recording machines don’t always work as designed and many times the number is not discernible. I have calls that have never been returned as I can’t figure out who was calling or the number from which they were calling. Their loss….

Lastly, there are all the modern social networing inconveniences. I have received numerous invitations to ‘connect’ in Plaxo, LinkedIn, facebook etc…yet the invitation only gives me the briefest idea of who the invitee is…If you are going to ask someone to ‘connect’ – place enough info in the invite that allows the recipient the opportunity to ‘connect the degrees of separation’ between you and them.

I think I am needing an updated version of Emily Post….she makes you feel so good….