Newspapers and Truth(?) in Advertising

The back page of the “Report on Business” section of the Nov. 29/10 Globe and Mail is a full page add for a type of electric space heater. The word “free” appears repeatedly on the page. The first words under the picture that occupies the top 1/3 of the page are, in bold, in block capitals, in larger size than the balance of the caption: “FREE MIRACLE HEATERS ARE ON THE WAY“. 

 The picture is of a man – (undoubtedly) an actor – who looks like a friendly Amish grandfather. I want to believe that no Amish community is knowngly part of this.

A few lines below there’s a statement in bold even larger text that occupies a complete line: “Canadians have just 48 hours to get free heaters”.

 The body of the text of the advertisement begins with: “Have you heard about the free heater giveaway that’s sweeping across the nation?”

Guess what? While it’s arguable that the sentence is literally accurate, and while it may be possible to acquire the heater for free from some source without paying anything at all, that’s not going to happen if you get it from the advertiser. You’ll pay. Through the nose (and other bodily parts, no doubt).

It isn’t until one reads well into the body of the text – about 1/2 way down the 2nd column – buried in the 8th paragraph that you find out that you have to pay $348 (I’m guessing US) to get the heater because it comes installed in an enclosure. That’s right. You get the heater part free. All you pay for is the enclosure – called a mantel. What’s the Amish connection. Well …. apparently the enclosures are built out of wood by, the advertisement claims, Amish in Ohio. 

One more cute point worth mentioning. That $348 figure? It doesn’t appear in numbers. It’s only written out in words, in this context.

You can’t find custom made Amish mantles like this in the national chain store. That makes the oak mantle a real steal for just three hundred forty-eight dollars since the entire cost of the new Convecta-red miracle heater is free.

That’s it for any mention of payment, although the article later states that getting one of the units (for free) is like “putting about three hundred and fifty bucks in your pocket”.

The advertisement goes to explain how the mantle “actually lets the new Convecta-red miracle heater roll from room-to-room” (sic).

There’s a map of Canada at the bottom right of the advertisement. It provides two phone numbers for those wishing to call to get this free heater – the free offer is limited to the first 2,918 who call before the “order deadline”. One number applies to the “Artic Zone” – the territories and Inuvit. The other is for Cold Zone 2″ – the rest of Canada other than Quebec and Newfoundland and Labrador.

Oh, yes: another paragraph in the article quotes one “Laura Rich”, supposedly the “Operations Director” of the vendor. Ms. Rich – no indication whether she’s related to Richie, but no doubt this is how she plans to get … rich – supposedly said that “readers can have two free per household just as long as they call before the deadline”.

That’s rich – 2 free spaceheaters for a mere $696 plus applicable taxes for the enclosure.

I didn’t bother to find out what the cost is of the “Heat Surge Convecta-red” heater or equivalent is if one gets it at one’s local dollarama. Or on the web.

I’m sure one can find a useful, attractive enough, space heater at far less than $348 – admittedly without the hand made, made in Ohio by nice Amish, oak mantle, but then we all have to make sacrifices.

I think the LCBO should follow this practice. Offer the very expense single malts for free, just charge for the bottle. (Canada Post already uses a variation of the procedure. Mail service is free. We pay for storage.)

It’s a great approach for legal billing. My services are free. What you’re paying for is the “enclosure” that provides those services: me.

I suppose (assume) that the Globe’s legal department vetted the advertisement for legality, even if not for propriety and even more whether the Globe should take this sort of advertising at all. If it’s not legal then, I hope there’s a nice fine in store for the Globe. But, even if it is legal, it pushes the boundary of venality.