Powerful Self-Coaching With Two Words: Get Better

Janet is preparing for the review she’s having in the afternoon. She knows she’s going to get some positive feedback, but she’s also going to hear about some things that did not go so well, and some of it may surprise her.

To get ready for this meeting, she says to herself, “I’m going to use this as an opportunity to learn about where I can focus on getting better in my legal practice.”

Maryann is stuck on a tough assignment. The partner she reports to is busy and trusts Maryann to take a run at drafting something quite complex and different from anything Maryann has handled before. Maryann is worried. “What if I don’t get it right? What if I overlook something?” Maryann is stalled on the task as she ruminates about her possible shortcomings.

Talking it over with a friend over the lunch hour, Maryann comes to a different way of looking at the situation. Instead of a challenge she could fail at, she sees the project as an opportunity for improving her skills and getting better in this critical area of law that interests her. She thinks: “Yes, it’s a challenge and the partner has confidence in me. This first draft will go to some people who will review it, and I can fully expect that it will not be perfect. But in doing my best and turning out the highest quality product I can, I will learn a lot, and I’ll learn even more when the comments come back.”

Sam is feeling out of control and disorganized in his legal practice. He is trapped in firefighting mode, always chasing deadlines.

One Sunday afternoon, he decides to have a planning meeting to prepare for the week ahead. And in that planning meeting, he asked an excellent question. “How can I get better at this? How can I get better at how I’m organizing myself? Who can I talk to for advice and guidance?” He schedules a conversation the next week with a fellow associate he knows does a good job of managing her practice. The meeting went well and gave him some valuable ideas to implement.

These three stories exemplify what happens when you apply a “get better” approach to your practice.

This focus on “get better” is a simple antidote to some very stressful thought distortions that trip up and slow down many lawyers.

Here’s how this works in practice.

Say you are shoulding yourself and feeling anxious as a result:

• I should have seen that error.
• I should have noticed.
• I should have spoken up.
• I should have talked to the partner before this.

Apply a “get better” focus. What can I learn from this? How can I use this as an opportunity to get better at this?

It’s a powerful reframe.

In the example above, Maryann couldn’t focus on the task. Her need for the draft to be perfect was causing her to freeze. Once she shifted to embracing the learning opportunity, she could get into motion and put in her best effort.

A “get better” approach helps you access courage. It allows you to be resourceful.

And why is this important? Because as human beings, we thrive when we’re learning and developing, which can be challenging and come with risk. In fact, there is no learning without risk. And there’s no competence without learning.

Applying those two words, get better, will help you tackle your learning curves and meet challenges head-on. And when a thing goes sideways, those two words can help you problem solve and learn and grow from the experience.

I can tell you that embracing this “get better” approach has allowed me to have the courage to take on the most meaningful project of my entire career and to stick with it through the challenges.

Think right now about your practice and your own life. How could a “get better” approach help?

What’s one step you can take today?