I know someone who sends me those annoying email jokes that do the rounds. Usually I toss ’em; occasionally I read ’em and toss ’em; but for some reason I accorded the last one a place on my hard drive — where I found it today when browsing through the oddments section looking for a Friday Fillip. It’s a list of “euphemisms” for stupid.
Stupid is one of the prime things we who read Slaw cannot be, at least in our professional lives. We got where we are by being or appearing smart, and smart is what lets us hang on. So there’s a weird fascination for me at least with stupid, makes me nervous perhaps, and I find some of these expressions funny.
I’ll only regale you with a few here. Promise. But if they appeal, there are a very great many out there. One site, for example, boasts 1,423 of them!
Here, then, a few:
– A room temperature IQ [Works even better in Celsius.]
– Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
– He’s so dense, light bends around him.
– If he were more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
– If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
– A couple of blocks behind the parade.
– A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and. What was the question?
– A legend in his own mind.
– A quart low.
– All foam, no beer
– As bright as a nightlight
– Strong like ox, smart like tractor
– Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
– Dock doesn’t quite reach the water.
– Failed the Turing test.
– Half a bubble off plumb.
– Never finishes a thoug
– One too many rides on the Zipper.
– When a thought crosses his mind, it’s a long and lonely journey.
– He’s so stupid he’s the president.