An Open Letter to My Marketing Colleagues at Lang Michener and McMillan:

So, congratulations on the merger and keeping a lid on the news until recently. I didn’t see one leak of this news. It’s quite a feat keeping the media at bay. I know; I’ve worked on two mergers. They get one whiff of merger negotiations and they pounce on your most vulnerable chatterbox. I would bet you had plenty of partners who were DY-ING to tell the story. Those of us on the marketing side of law… well, we like a little drama and plus, we can be controlling too.

Media can be relentless. They try all points of entry and keep at it until they crack the surface despite your impenetrable internal communication policies and protocols … I know, I know, you were ready. Some of us live for this stuff. You had key messages prepared for all possibilities, your spokespersons on both teams were media trained (in French too? Impressive! ) for both print and broadcast interviews.

Really, though … Did you actually have all your partners in lock down?

No, of course not. You are pros and weren’t going to let the media scoop your story until you were good and ready, when the Managing Partners finally agreed on the details of the media release and the ink was dry on that stack of documents. Oh… and documents, you locked them down with a secret password, right? What was it? Come on. You can tell us now, it’s all over. The fat lady sang already. Lemme guess. Was it Project Chantepleure? Project McDeal? Binch Me?

As each marketing team was acting oh-so-casual and preparing the new marketing materials and drafting the media release under the cover of darkness, whose name went at the top? Was there any debate?

Lang Michener, you did bring your name to the negotiating table, didn’t you? You fought hard, right? You spoke with elegance about the firm’s history and the 80 years’ worth of characters who’ve walked your halls. What’s that? McMillan actually wrestled it away from you? They seemed so, um, refined. Sheesh… well, I suppose the McMillan name has punch; panache. You know, the sort of name that scares the other side silly and makes them run away like little girls who’ve just seen a snake. It’s like a seal of quality, high standards… smarts. But then, so does Langs, right? Maybe the French translation of Langs was discovered to be something … naughty ?

Now that the Lang Michener stationery is a hot commodity, have you checked under partners’ desks to see if they’re hoarding some final pieces? Lawyers can be so strange. Here’s a tip: just let it slip to your IP lawyers and they’ll be down on all fours sniffing out the last LM logo’d envelope.

Best of luck!